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The wound is where the light enters - Rumi
I’ll never forget the waves of disgust that were bubbling up inside of me as I laid on a massage table, acupuncture needles from head to toe, high on psychedelic drugs that I didn’t want to take. The person who was doing the treatment attempted to use spiritual rhetoric to create a false narrative based on my insecurities, in a attempt to lower my self esteem and control me. I felt uncomfortable, afraid, enraged but unable to talk - I was vulnerable and it felt like I couldn’t move. This is not what I wanted, but I couldn’t find the words to say no.
When I got off the massage table I pretended everything was ok, but it wasn’t ok, and after that moment I wasn’t ok for years. Even though my physical body left that room, my mind remained afterwards. I would cycle through episodes of rage towards that person, towards myself, back to that person, but mostly towards myself. How could I be so stupid? I looked back at my journal that recorded over a year of “friendship” where I continually wrote I don’t trust this person, I don’t feel safe around them - and I ignored my gut feeling’s.
Madison you have to make a change
What I realized through a mix of Somatic work, coaching and personal therapy was that I had a problem with self-betrayal, specifically around boundaries.
Being someone who found religion, spirituality and yoga at a very young age, I always held myself to a standard of kindness and selflessness. I had taught myself that being kind was a noble pursuit, but what I didn’t realize was by not speaking up, and accommodating other’s I was continually harming myself. This kindness often left me feeling overwhelmed and empty, and it taught the people around me that they could abuse me, and I would tolerate it.
The process of learning to set boundaries was not an easy one. I endured screaming fits, stalking and many relationship’s shifted when I began to advocate for myself and say no. It took a serious health scare to finally give me the confidence to drop the guilt and live the way that I am meant to. So I did the work… I reflected on my actions and realized I needed to un-learn behaviours that were previously survival mechanisms (fawn). In the process, I learned to love myself, and find safety in healthy people.
I feel the best I’ve ever felt
Throughout this process I made what I really needed - a boundary book, of goals and dreams and tools that I could go back to anytime I felt unsure about how to respond. I shared these exercizes with close friends and clients, until today. Today, I have a 70+ page workbook and 10-week coaching course ironically titled “The Boundary Babe”. Something I felt on my journey was a deep loneliness, so I decided to turn the book into a group coaching program.
So if you’re reading this and you feel the way I felt, I invite you to join me this January for the Boundary Babe immersion. The Boundary Babe online course is a transformative journey centered around the concept of boundaries and rediscovering love in a gentle and harmonious manner. Over the span of 10 weeks, thoughtfully extended across 13 weeks with a strategic 3-week pause for integration, this course provides a unique and comprehensive experience. Part one guides you in rewiring your mind, emphasizing the importance of absorbing and integrating the lessons before advancing to part two. In part two, the focus shifts to action, offering a holistic approach to personal growth and relationship dynamics.
This course is designed to bring you into authentic alignment, enabling you to set boundaries from a centered and loving place. The Boundary Babe course is truly one-of-a-kind, promising an incredible transformation that's unlike anything available right now.